I
haven’t listened to this song in a long time but a playlist brought it up.
It
is a heart-tender song for me. One of those songs that I have to decide do I really want to deal with the tugging of the heart and the scab scrubbing it will expose, and this morning it again brought tears and a deep sigh as I was caught
up immediately in the desperateness, and utter emptying of self, and the
unexplained love of God.
In order to heal, scabs need to be debrided "the usually surgical removal of lacerated, devitalized, or contaminated tissue". The scab needs to be removed to let the air heal the wound. Wounds heal best when allowed to heal from the inside out, but we find that too painful. So we elect to cover the wound with a scab, but for the soul to heal it needs to be debrided of the scabs and let the God-love begin its healing.
…”so tired from walking”…”so alone”…”the dark
is creeping up to swallow me”…“think I will stop here to rest a while”.
Have
you been there like I have? Has this summer been a
place you feel the dark is slowly going to swallow you? Have you reached the dark place of utter
exhaustion? When all you can say is…
This
is all I can say right now…this is all I can give… this is
all I say right now…this
is all I can give… that’s my everything.
Have
you railed against God? Throwing up
questions and accusations, hoping to catch God’s passing ear?
Did you see me crying?
Did you hear me call your name?
Wasn’t it you that I gave my heart to?
And
then the words that break me every time…
I
wish you’d remember where you set it down.
There
have many dark nights and valleys I wondered the same.
I
have heard it said that sometimes we have to hit rock bottom before we are able
to lift our head and look up towards the light and feel, ever so softly, the
soothing love of God.
Didn’t notice you were standing there
Didn’t know that that was you holding me
Didn’t notice that you were crying too
Didn’t know that that was you washing my feet
He
was there there all along. We were rolling around in our own mire and mud, searching how deep we could go, and there was no strength to look up.
On
the playlist, this is followed by the “new” Doxology…”Praise God from whom all blessings flow”! Amen and amen and amen. And the healing begins...
And
the next song on the play list? "Stars"!
You should see the stars tonight
How they shimmer shine so bright
Against the black they look so white
Comin down from such a height
To reach me now, reach me now
How they shimmer shine so bright
Against the black they look so white
Comin down from such a height
To reach me now, reach me now
Cus i got nothing of my own to give to you
But this light that shines on me shines on you
And makes everything beautiful, again.
It'll be alright, it'll be alright.
But this light that shines on me shines on you
And makes everything beautiful, again.
It'll be alright, it'll be alright.
And
I have learned once again…the scab that was rubbed off this morning and the ever present wound has started the healing process and it will be alright…even when all I could say was…"that’s
my everything”…I gave it my everything…and once again I bravely rubbed at the scab so he could show me he had never left, and
he wasn’t going to leave…he never lost my heart.
lovingyougood...sd
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